Exactly the Same by Jordana Winters

Author:Jordana Winters
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781908006554
Publisher: Headline
Published: 2013-07-05T00:00:00+00:00

Advice For The Horny Traveller

by Sally Quilford

If I can offer any advice to the horny traveller, it’s never to pack your Rampant Rabbit in your hand luggage when travelling.

It all started out well enough. I was on my way to Fuerteventura for a week of sunshine and solitary sex. I’d given up men after I found my last fella in bed with another woman. Now if it were a film, he’d have said something inane like, ‘Join us, darling,’ and I might even have been tempted. I had been watching them for five minutes before he noticed me and was quite turned on. Instead he jumped up off the bed, cock still aloft, and started spluttering about how it meant nothing. The other girl hit him before I could. What a wimp!

That night, with only my vibrator for company, I finished off what he should have started, imagining him with her, sucking her nipple and fingering her, before shagging her hard from behind, while I watched. Then I imagined joining in, sliding in between them, feeling him against my back and her pressed against my breasts, our nipples squashed together while we French-kissed, with both their fingers plunging into me, a wonderful contrast of large and rough, petite and smooth. In my fantasy, they were only interested in my pleasure, using their fingers, tongue and his cock to bring me to completion. When my fantasy led to a real-life ground-shaking orgasm, I realised I didn’t need a man. The vibrator and my imagination did it all. Not only that but it didn’t need forty-five minutes to recover (as long as I kept a good supply of Duracell batteries).

I decided to go abroad, where people wear much less and sometimes make out on the street. I’d pick a couple out of the crowd, then go back to my room and imagine them in all sorts of naughty situations. I booked my flight and off I went. I even had a practice in the plane loo, imagining the Captain taking me to his cockpit and banging me against the controls, whilst the plane swooped around the sky. I didn’t even flinch when the stewardess banged on the door to ask if I was dying.

“Oh yes,” I said. “Quite happily.”

I didn’t realise the Rabbit was going to suddenly switch itself on in Fuerteventura Airport, did I? (I think it missed me). The customs man, a tall Fuerteventuran with dark honeyed skin, dragged me into a side room to wait. A woman joined us and I was subjected to a strip search, which wasn’t too unpleasant, except her hands were bloody cold. I did think calling the bomb squad was a bit drastic, especially as I told them what it was.

“What is this rabbit?” the man asked, when the woman had left us.

“It’s a vibrator. A sex toy. But it has an appendage that looks like a rabbit, and that has twiddly bits to …” I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation.

“Twiddly bits? For what?”

“To add extra stimulation.

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